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En personlig krise omfatter næsten altid et tab. Nogle gange kommer vi til en skillevej, når vi ved, at vi bliver nødt til at sige farvel til et eller flere aspekter af vores liv. Vi står foran at skulle acceptere, at vi ikke længere er de samme, som vi var før krisen
Hvorfor tackler nogle mennesker kriser bedre end andre? Er det tilfældigheder eller individuelle forskelle, og hvad er det, der gør, at nogle endda kan komme styrkede og forandrede ud af kriser?
Hvad er fællesnævner for de mennesker, der oplever positive ændringer i deres mentalitet, livssyn og holdninger, når de har oplevet og overkommet store kriser i deres liv, og hvad vil det sige at opleve posttraumatisk vækst?
Af Lene Pilegaard, www.baekkensmerter.dk
Hvad er posttraumatisk vækst?
Posttraumatisk vækst er et begreb, der beskriver positive psykologiske ændringer, der opleves som et resultat af at kæmpe med meget udfordrende, meget stressende livsomstændigheder.
Begrebet “posttraumatisk vækst” blev formuleret af de amerikanske forskere Richard Tedeschi og Lawrence Calhoun i 1995, og begrebet henviser til positiv psykologisk forandring som følge af meget udfordrende livsomstændigheder.
Posttraumatisk vækst er den nye bevidsthed, indsigt og perspektiv, der opstår efter en krise
De forandringer, der kan opleves ved posttraumatisk vækst, kan fx være:
- En større påskønnelse og tilfredshed med livet: Værdsætte værdien af livet eller værdsætte hver dag på en måde, du ikke gjorde før og større taknemmelighed og glæde
- Bedre og mere givende sociale relationer – både nære relationer og mere bredt. Du kan udvikle en følelse af nærhed med andre, øget medfølelse eller viden om, at du kan regne med andre i krisetider
- Nye muligheder: Nye muligheder både arbejdsmæssigt, økonomisk og på andre fronter, såsom at udvikle nye interesser, en ny livsvej eller en vilje til at ændre ting, der skal ændres
- Personlig styrke: Større følelsesmæssig robusthed og viden om, at du kan håndtere svære ting, at du er stærkere, end du troede, eller en øget følelse af selvtillid
- Åndelig forandring: Fornemmelse af at have kontakt til noget større – en større åndelig bevidsthed og en dybere forståelse af spiritualitet eller stærkere tro end før
Du vil måske bemærke mere klarhed eller mening omkring de begivenheder, der førte til dit traume/krise og få følelsen af at komme videre i dit liv på trods af oplevelsen. Måske kan du endda føle dig i stand til at integrere begivenheden eller begivenhederne som en væsentlig og måske endda positiv bidragyder til din identitet og styrke.
PTSD og posttraumatisk vækst udelukker ikke hinanden
Posttraumatisk vækst handler ikke bare om at tage ja-hatten på efter traumer. Det er vigtigt at have en nuanceret forståelse af, hvad alvorlige traumer, tab og kriser medfører, og at posttraumatisk vækst ikke nødvendigvis udelukker PTSD, eller at du sagtens kan kæmpe med meget svære ting fremadrettet, selvom du overordnet set føler, at dit liv er godt.
Det vil sige, at du både kan opleve symptomer som fx angst, men på samme tid kan opleve en større tilfredshed med livet, og at du generelt føler dig bedre fungerende som menneske. Selvom du gennemlever alvorlige kriser, som på den ene side har store konsekvenser, og som du kommer videre fra med sorg og væsentlige ar på sjælen, kan du på den anden side blive ledt i retning af et mere berigende liv, fordi du kan komme til at leve mere i overensstemmelse med dine sande værdier og værdsætte livet på en ny måde.
Hvordan kommer man bedst gennem en krise?
Erkend, hvad der er sket
En af vejene til at komme igennem en krise og opnå posttraumatisk vækst er din vilje og evne til at erkende og acceptere, at det, der skete med dig, var traumatisk, hvilket kan være sværere, end det lyder.
“Traumer inkluderer næsten altid fjernelse af personlig magt eller handlefrihed, og at tage kontrollen tilbage indgår som en vigtig faktor af at komme sig fra traumer.”
Det er en kompleks og dynamisk proces. Det kræver ikke kun personlig udvikling, men en proces med at strukturere sin egen livshistorie. Der er nogle forhold, som har indflydelse på, hvordan vi typisk udvikler modstandsdygtighed, og som kan hjælpe os med at komme videre på trods af krise:
- Selvtillid og tillid til vores evne til at kunne håndtere krisen
- At acceptere vores følelser
- At have et meningsfuldt formål med livet
- Troen på, at vi kan lære fra negative oplevelser såvel som positive
- At have et støttenetværk
Den stærkeste person er ikke den, der aldrig falder. Men den, der kan rejse sig op og fortsætte med at gå, gjort stærkere af faldet.
Sæt ord på din udfordring
Noget, du også kan gøre, er at sætte ord på din(e) udfordring(er) og prøve at definere og identificere, hvad der er essensen af udfordringen.
Det, du kan gøre med din udfordring, er at ændre din opfattelse af din udfordring fra noget, der er en trussel mod dig om måske din familie og noget, der vil ødelægge dig og dit liv til noget, der giver dig muligheden for at vokse som menneske, for at blive stærkere og noget, der kan komme noget godt ud af.
Det, du gør, er at ændre dit mindset fra at se en overvældende trussel til i stedet at se en udfordring. Forskellen er, at selvom du godt er klar over, at der er tale om noget, der måske er meget svært og smertefuldt, så har du en tro på, at du kan finde frem til en måde at håndtere udfordringen på en god måde.
Forskning har vist, at når man ændrer sit mindset fra ”trussel mindset” til ”udfordring mindset” og tackler udfordringer i stedet for at undgå dem, er der langt større sandsynlighed for, at du kan håndtere din udfordring og komme ud i den anden ende med en følelse af, at du er blevet stærkere. Prøv eventuelt at øve dig i dette tankesæt:
- Jeg kan blive stærk af denne udfordring
- Jeg kan få hjælp til denne udfordring
- Denne udfordring vil hjælpe mig med at udvikle gode kvaliteter
- Hvad er det bedste, der kan ske?
- Hvad kan jeg lære?
- Hvad har jeg allerede lært, som jeg kan give videre?
- Jeg er fast besluttet på at tackle denne udfordring – én dag ad gangen
- Selvom jeg ikke kan kontrollere alt, så vælger jeg, hvordan jeg vil tackle denne udfordring
- Jeg er i gang med at lære at blive bedre til at tackle denne udfordring
Troen på egne evner og styrke
Der er ikke et quickfix og en fælles løsning, der passer til alle. Det er altid en kombination af flere ting, men dog er der nogle fællesnævnere: Nemlig troen på, at det kan lade sig gøre at komme ud af krisen og tillid til sig selv og sine egne evner til at overkomme krisen, løse problemer og at komme ud på den anden side.
En del af at besidde evnen til at tro på sig selv er selvtillid eller oplevet selveffektivitet. Selvtillid skal i denne sammenhæng forstås som en overbevisning om selv at besidde den nødvendige styrke til at kunne overvinde problemsituationer. Med tæt tilknyttet selvtillid er indstillingen positiv selvværdsfølelse, der kan defineres som værdsættelse af sig selv. En anden ting, der ofte er fællesnævner for, at man bedre kan tackle kriser og komme styrket ud på den anden side, er ens egen overbevisning om selv at kunne påvirke vigtige hændelser i livet, hvor overbevisningen er, at man ikke blot er en lille brik i skæbnens spil, men ved egen sjæls styrke er i stand til at påvirke og kontrollere mange forhold i sine omgivelser.
Følelsesmæssig selvstændighed
En stor personlig gave og frihed, du kan opnå, er mere selvstændighed og tiltro til dine evner. Dette sker, når du tager det fulde ansvar for dig selv uden at være afhængig af nogen, og uden at du behøver at blive bekræftet af andre til at kæmpe for, hvad du ønsker.
Udvikling af selv-effektivitet
Det er nemmere sagt end gjort, men en af vejene dertil er at arbejde på at opbygge en stærk identitet, der styrker din integritet, så du tør tage beslutninger og tage ansvar for konsekvenserne. Det hænger sammen med dit selvværd, og det er en udviklingsproces, du kan arbejde med. Det kræver noget af dig – vær modig, stol på din intuition, og vær din egen bedste ven.
Tag ansvar
Hvis andre træffer beslutninger for dig, lader du dig styre og overgiver ansvaret for dit liv til andre, og du vænner dig til ikke at gøre noget selv. Hvis du forventer, at andre har ansvaret og løser dine problemer, validerer dine ideer, giver dig tilladelse eller fortæller dig, hvad du bør gøre eller ikke gøre, vil du have svært ved at udvikle nok selvværd.
Vær modig
At konfrontere smertefulde oplevelser er skræmmende, men at løbe fra dem forlænger kun lidelsen. At undgå dem, får dem ikke til at forsvinde, men de kan tværtimod måske endda ændre form. Ægte mod betyder, at man fortsætter til trods for det ubehag, der er ved at konfrontere følelserne, som uundgåeligt følger med de smertefulde oplevelser.
Når du går gennem helvede, så bliv ved med at gå.
Churchill
Refleksion
- Når du er på den anden side af en krise, så prøv at reflektere over, om livet nu har en større mening, efter du har overkommet traume, og om du er blevet bedre til at have større forståelse over for andres smerte og lidelser.
- Fokuser på, hvordan livet kan få mere mening og formål efter at have overlevet traumer.
- Revurder din livsfilosofi efter at have overlevet traumer. Dette kan utilsigtet føre til positive personlighedsændringer, såsom mere selvtillid, selvkontrol, varme og følelsesmæssig stabilitet.
- Opdag, at du er stærkere, end du troede, fordi du har udstået traumer.
- Oplev nye følelser af påskønnelse, taknemmelighed og mindre unødvendig seriøsitet fra at udholde traumer. Dette kan være øget påskønnelse af livet, selvaccept og/eller selvbestemmelse.
- Oplev, hvordan du er en del af noget, der er større end dig selv, måske føler dig mere spirituel af at udholde traumer.
- Indse, hvordan dine relationer bliver vigtigere og i stigende grad forbinder til det, der virkelig betyder noget.
- Tilgiv dig selv for de overlevelsesmønstre og træk, du måtte bruge, mens du udholdte traumer. Tilgiv dig selv for at være den, du havde brug for at være.
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